I don’t really get those signs in café bathrooms that say “Napkins come from trees. Take only what you need.” I mean, do those signs really deter people from taking the amount of napkins that they initially planned on taking? I know I don’t go into the bathroom thinking “I was gonna take 10 napkins for the road, but now that I know that they come from trees…”
The worst is that there is always a drawing of a smiling tree on the sign. Which leads me to imagine this tree, hanging out on a sunny day, smiling, and then a guy with a chainsaw comes up. The tree starts to quiver, obviously aware of what happens next. “Sorry tree,” the man says. “Lorraine needs another napkin.” Then the man starts to chop a branch off, while they both cry.
There’s also always a hand dryer next to the napkin dispenser. But who has time for that?
Speaking of guilt….
Checking out at the grocery store has become a test of the worst kind. Before I go to pay, I’m always prompted with something like “Help veterans for $1 - yes or no?” It’s like being asked “Are you a good person - yes or no?” And the grocery clerk always verbalizes this question as it pops up, asking in a monotonous tone “Would you like to give a dollar to help veterans?” So you verbally have to admit that you are a bad person to the clerk and the woman behind you. Or you could say yes. But that would be giving in.
The worst is that there is always a drawing of a smiling tree on the sign. Which leads me to imagine this tree, hanging out on a sunny day, smiling, and then a guy with a chainsaw comes up. The tree starts to quiver, obviously aware of what happens next. “Sorry tree,” the man says. “Lorraine needs another napkin.” Then the man starts to chop a branch off, while they both cry.
There’s also always a hand dryer next to the napkin dispenser. But who has time for that?
Speaking of guilt….
Checking out at the grocery store has become a test of the worst kind. Before I go to pay, I’m always prompted with something like “Help veterans for $1 - yes or no?” It’s like being asked “Are you a good person - yes or no?” And the grocery clerk always verbalizes this question as it pops up, asking in a monotonous tone “Would you like to give a dollar to help veterans?” So you verbally have to admit that you are a bad person to the clerk and the woman behind you. Or you could say yes. But that would be giving in.
If you take enough napkins -- I don't know exactly how many, but Tony would -- and fold them enough times, you could get to the Moon, Take that, trees!
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