Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 79

I sat down with the human today to talk about what my intentions are for the future of this diary. When I started it, I thought I'd only be quarantined with the humans for a few weeks to a couple of months. I didn't realize that 79 days later there'd still be no end it sight!

The human said she loves transcribing these posts for me - that it brings a lightness to her sometimes heavy days. She also said that she completely understands if I need to take a break.

We talked it out and came to a compromise: after today's post I'll start a weekly diary. I might still post more often than once a week, but only if I feel inspired to do so.

The human seemed happy with that. She's also working on a book, and said that she could use the time spent transcribing my posts everyday to work on her book instead. She wouldn't tell me what it's about, but if she's hoping to sell any copies, it should be about me.

Anyway, check back in a week for my next post!

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 78

I'm too tired to write a post today, so instead I'll share a video of myself when I was a kitten. Wasn't I just adorable?

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 77

Dear Bubbles, 
Are you a jumper? Do you do it for fun. Once upon a time we had a Dutch door made for one room in the house to keep the cats out. One had kidney infections & liked to urinate in the corner of that room. The other cat enjoyed jumping over the door, turning around, and jumping right back. I guess it entertained her to jump. How about you?
- Karen from Walnut Creek


Dear Karen,

Am I a jumper? Hah. Those who have seen me in action often ask if I'm actually part rabbit.

Gravity is the force that rules all. We (cats) regularly sacrifice cups, pens, anything really, to the gravity gods by pushing them off of tables. This pleases the gravity gods, who in return grant us the power to jump high. The more objects you push off surfaces, the more jumping power you're given (according to the sacred scriptures).

This cat of yours, who enjoyed jumping, likely got tired of the urine smell in the enclosure, and sacrificed many cups to obtain the power to escape.

I don't jump for fun. I jump because I know that someday I may need to use the power to escape from ground-bound threats. I trust the humans for now, but you can never be to careful.

XOXO,
Bubbles

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 76

I've got writer's block today. I tried writing a poem, but then the sun came out, for just a moment. So of course I had to stop writing and lie down for just a moment. It's so warm and lovely on the green chair in the sun. 

If someone ever asked me what happiness is, I'd have to say it's when a sunspot hits a perfect soft surface in the middle of the day. The whole time the sun is there it's moving, but it moves so slowly that you don't notice until it's gone. 

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 75

The human and I finally settled on a picture for my dating profile. I think I look thoughtful, and sophisticated in this photo. She says I look "sooo cute!" Either way, I think it's a winner.

Let the games begin.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 74

Dear Bubbles,
Lately I’m hearing coyotes howling at night and a crazy chorus of birds in the morning. I smell skunks who were nearby just recently and watch whole families of raccoons scuttling across empty streets. Clearly something in nature is feeling the impacts of humans staying in their homes. You’re closer to this feeling than I am: what’s the word in the world of the wild?
- Peter in San Francisco


Dear Peter,

As an indoor cat, I am somewhat removed from the world of outdoor animals. Nemo used to be my connection to that world, and everything I know is from his stories. Every time we'd meet, he'd bring updates from the skunks and raccoons that roam the area. He didn't connect much with the birds since they were understandably afraid of him. However, every once and a while he'd have a conversation from beneath a tree with his bird friend, Crow. Somewhat recently, he recounted a conversation they'd had:

Nemo was doing his neighborhood rounds, when he heard a "caw" as he turned the corner on Russia Avenue -  in live bouquet of freshly blooming magnolias, Crow was perched confidently above him.

"Pink is your color," Nemo smiled.

"It's not too feminine?" Crow laughed. "I wouldn't want it to detract from my imagine as a bird of prey."

At this point in the story I interrupted Nemo to ask if pink would look good on me too. Nemo hardly paid me any compliments, and it made me slightly jealous that he did so for a bird. Nemo affirmed that yes, pink would complement me as well, and then continued his story.

Crow told Nemo that when he flies over the city, everything seems slower and emptier. "Usually, we'd lose a dozen of our kind in a week to cars, but this last week no one has perished. The cars aren't on the roads like they used to be. It feels like a balance is being restored. The animals are living more freely and openly."

"This means coyotes are probably in places they usually avoid too." Nemo realized.

"Yes, I've seen them on major streets. Be careful." Crow confirmed.

Nemo thanked Crow for her account, and asked that she keep him updated.

That was the last I heard from Nemo about the animals. It does seem that something has changed, and the outdoor animals have become braver and more open. Sometimes I wish I could go out there and see it all for myself, but the idea of braver coyotes frightens me a bit.

Anyway, hope that account brings some clarity. Wherever Nemo adventured off to, I'm sure he'll learn more about the situation. I hope he makes it back safely.

XOXO,
Bubbles

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 73

The human and I are having a hard time settling on a photo for my dating profile. She snapped this one mid-bath, which normally would have been a violation of my privacy, but I just look so strappingly handsome in it, I couldn't be mad.

She thinks I should choose a more modest photo, and leave something to the imagination. I think we should give the people what they want. Who wouldn't reply to this cool cat?

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 72

The human kicked me out of my castle today, and covered it with a smelly liquid. When she finally finished and let me back in, I was more drawn to the castle for some odd reason. There was something more pleasing about its appearance.

The human said I look just like Toothless the Dragon, whatever that means. I may have only four teeth left, but for some reason I feel especially powerful today.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 71

Dear Bubbles,
My humans are constantly leaving glasses of water up on every table and counter top. While they know it’s my sworn duty to jump up there and knock those glasses over, they still yell at me and sometimes even swat me! I’m confused. Why do they behave this way? 
- Bandit in Newhall

Dear Bandit,

I know, right? I'm baffled by this human behavior as well. Recently, my humans have stopped drinking out of cups, and only drink out of water bottles. I can only assume they're trying to make my job more challenging. Perhaps I got a promotion?

Don't let their criticism get you down. It is a cat's sworn duty to re-establish this delicate balance in the universe. The water in those cups was never meant to be confined in a cylindrical prison. It was meant to be set free into the earth (or carpet), so that it can continue to flow through the world uninhibited. Humans don't understand the ephemeral nature of the universe, and try to establish structure with their gravity-defying water vessels. We, as cats, are here to remind them that all of it is temporary. There is no structure. If you want water, drink it now. It may not be there later.

Anyway, try pushing the cups off the counter in the middle of the night. Usually the humans are too tired to get up and punish you when they're sleeping. And sometimes the water dries overnight, and they're none the wiser.

Hope that helps!

XOXO,
Bubbles

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 70

After Nemo left, I've started thinking that I should put myself out there again. Since that black cat I was so enamored with turned out turned out to be future me, my prospects are pretty limited. There is a plump, friendly cat named Cupcake who wanders into the yard on occasion. I've never taken much interest in her, but perhaps we could at least strike up a friendship.

The loud human agreed to sign me up for Eharmeowny (the internet's top cat dating site), but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. She said it'll help me get over Nemo and added that it's a lot harder for indoor cats to meet other cats organically. Then she took this photo for my profile image...I'm not sure if I should be terrified or offended. Please tell me: is this really what I look like?

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 69

I guess I was in kind of a bad mood yesterday. Sometimes the world just feels so heavy, and I don't want to do anything.

The human didn't exactly make me write the post yesterday. She just told me that even though I feel awful right now, I'll feel better if I make the effort. She said the hardest part is sitting down and making yourself do it, but once you start, the heaviness of the task lightens and things start to flow again. I hate to admit that she was right. Even though yesterday's post wasn't much, I feel so much better knowing that I did it, and I feel a motivation to keep going today.

Sometimes in life, what you need is a break, and sometimes what you need is the motivation to push through without one. The hardest part is knowing which is needed in real time.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 68

The human said I have to write a post today. I told her that I don't feel like it. She said too bad, I've committed to a post everyday, and I have to stick to it. I said this is inhumane treatment, and I deserve a weekend just like the humans get. I told her if she makes me do it, I'll call animal control. I meowed for hours, but animal control never came...I guess for now I'll continue. But this is all you get today.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 67

The Kiss

The humans let me outside again today for the first time in a while. I felt the breeze and the sun against my fur. I smelled the flowers, and the urine of 100 other cats. It was glorious.

I was wandering aimlessly, when all of a sudden he came through that hole in the fence. For a moment I froze, unable to react. Different scenarios ran through my mind: should I spray the yard and tell him to get lost? Should I stick my nose in the air and walk away? Before my mind could catch up to my body, I found myself running towards him.

Nose to nose, I looked into his eyes. Once pained, they immediately softened, full of surprise.

"I missed you," I said. "And I worried about you. There's a tiny killer mouse called a virus somewhere on the outside."

Nemo laughed. "Killer mouse...ha. Sure, kid. I'll be on the lookout." He paused for a moment, looking sad again. "I'm going away for a while. I don't know when or if I'll be back."

I decided not to ask where or why. I didn't want to spend this time talking about logistics or arguing. We stood in the yard for a few minutes longer, which felt like an eternity. It was not nearly long enough.

As I watched him walk away through that hole for what felt like the last time, I didn't feel sadness or anger anymore. I just felt grateful to have known that handsome one-eyed cat. We do have nine lives, I reminded myself. Perhaps I'll see him in the next.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 66

The humans seemed to have noticed all of the boxes accumulating in the corner of the living room, and decided to cut some holes in them today. I don't quite understand the end game here, but they're allowing the boxes to stay, so I'm good with it.

The loud one keeps calling me "King Bubbles," and told me that my "castle" is under construction. I think she's lost it.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 65

I was looking out the window today at the house across the way, and noticed for the first time that they have a window too. These four walls, the ceiling, and the floor are my entire world. I spend every morning, afternoon and night within them - it's all I know. I wonder what the worlds are like in each of those other houses, and if other cats look at my house through their windows and wonder the same thing.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 64

Dear Bubbles,
Do you think humans have minds and feelings the way we do? They stare at clicky-boxes (thank you for the word; I was wondering what to call them), and sometimes they push me away if I get between them and the clicky-boxes. Why? What can be so important about a box ? It’s even more strange late at night. They both lie down and then stare at little boxes, or they pick up these thing that have many thin sheets with black marks on them. They just stare at them. They will stare at one sheet for a long, long time, then they will turn to the next sheet and stare at that. If my head gets in the way of seeing those black marks, they push me aside. It’s humiliating to be pushed aside just so they can stare at these motionless things. Do they really have minds ? What do they think about ? Are they conscious the way we are?
Roger in San Francisco

Dear Roger,

Yes, it is quite curious that the humans find so much joy in these inanimate objects. I do finally understand the fascination with the clicky box. Have you ever tried tapping the little clicky things? It's actually very satisfying. However, I don't get deal with the little loud light rectangle. There's nothing clicky about it, and yet they stare at it for hours on end. 

To address your question about whether or not the humans have feelings, I wonder that often myself. Sometimes I'll see a flicker of something in their eyes, and believe that there must be some intelligence there. Other times, I watch them look at their little loud light rectangle for hours with soulless eyes, and second guess that assumption. 

The first time I thought the humans might have souls was when I saw the loud one dance. At first glance, it appeared as though she were possessed by a demon that was trying desperately to squeeze into her body. However, after looking closely at her - at the way her whole face smiled - I thought she must have a soul. Then she stepped on my tail, and I thought perhaps she is just possessed after all.

I guess we'll never know!

XOXO,

Bubbles

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 63

The humans seemed sad again today. I think they're struggling with this whole indoor life. Part of me feels gratification in the fact that they'll have to have more empathy for my situation now that they're experiencing it, but another part of me just feels sad to see them sad. 

I couldn't take their moping anymore, and decided to show them my secret napping places to cheer them up. I even showed them the spot in the back of the closet, behind the loud one's shoes. Rather than be impressed and grateful, the loud one just picked up my nap cushion and said, "there's that sweater! Gross, it's covered in black fur!"

And to think I was considering showing them my secret throw up spots as well...I guess some things are better kept secret.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 62

I did catnip today. I used to love the nip, but I kind of thought those days were behind me. Although recently, I'd just been so overwhelmed with the humans around all the time, I thought I'd give it a whirl.

At first, it was chill. I was rubbing my face against all the different surfaces, feeling the soothing pressure against my cheeks. Then slowly, it started to intensify, until it got to a point where I was just staring into space.

For a moment, I felt like I understood everything; that life's meaning is always and only what we make of it. I felt connected to the humans, as though they too have feelings and deep thoughts.

Just as things were starting to become clear, a bird landed by the window and began to preen itself. Normally, I would lunge at it, but all I could do was lay there, motionless, the world spinning. It was such a helpless feeling; I had all the knowledge in the world, but it was meaningless if I couldn't act on it. In that moment, I wanted more than anything to feel grounded again. I wanted to jump up and make that pompous bird fly away. Am I even a cat if I can't do the things that cats do?

Perhaps that was my last nip trip.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 61

I Ate the Butter

A yummy milk stick

Left in plain sight

Maybe one lick

No harm in a bite...

I think they heard me!

Quick one bite more

Jump down quickly

And throw up on the floor.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 60

So Bubbles! 
I really love my cat, Mozart, and I’m moving to Nashville in January. My cat lives with my parents along with three other animals, and he’s not very close with any of his fellow animal friends (one cat and two dogs). He is very bonded to me. But I’m still worried that if I take him to live with me, he’ll miss his animal companions. As a cat with no other animals in the house, what do you think I should do? If I take him, how can I make him more comfortable being alone? 

- Natasha in Boston

Dear Natasha,

Did you say that your cat lives with not one, but two dogs? Take him. Take him away as soon as you possibly can. 

Perhaps he'll miss his feline friend, but cats are territorial and often do better on their own. If he's bonded to you, he'll just be happy to be reunited. 

However, moving can be hard for cats. We're creatures of habit, and have a hard time in new environments. I'd make sure to give him lots of pets and stinky fish, especially in the beginning. 

Good luck with the move!

XOXO,

Bubbles

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 59

The humans have started to let boxes accumulate in the house. Usually they let me keep one, and throw out the rest, but they haven't thrown a box out in almost two weeks. I'm not sure what's going on, but I'm into it. I'm trying not to let my excitement draw too much attention to the situation, lest it remind them to tidy up.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 58

I talked to the human today, and told her that I've been a little overwhelmed lately. Of course, she didn't understand everything I said (we have that language barrier), but I could tell in her eyes that understood the heart of it.

"Would you like to take a break from the daily diary?" She asked.

I sat quietly for a moment, contemplating. 

"You know, today is Mother's Day," She added after a bit. "Did you think about your mother, Bubbles?"

Was she referring to herself? She's hardly my mother. More like that older sister you can't get rid of. Besides, we look nothing alike. I'm much more handsome. 

"I bet she was a beautiful kitty like you."

Oh. She's talking about my real mother. She was beautiful. 

Thinking of her made me want to keep writing. Like maybe she would read it from somewhere, somehow. So for today, I'll continue.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 57

I was sitting by the back window, watching the birds flutter from tree to tree, feeling good about my day, about my life. Then just as the sun peaked up into view, I saw him saunter into the yard.

I still thought about Nemo all the time, but he was becoming more and more just a memory, almost like our love had been a dream. To see him there, sitting in the yard, was surreal. 

I didn't even realize I'd been meowing and pawing at the window when the humans walked in.

"Want to go say hi to Nemo?" The loud one asked. "Come on."

Before I could think, my freedom-killing string was attached to me, and I was in the yard, face-to-face with the cat I'd tried so hard to forget.

"Nice leash," he said trying to smile, but I could see that it was pained.

"I can wiggle out of it," I responded causally, stopping to lick myself. "Any time I want."

"That's great." He paused for a moment. "It's good to see you."

"Of course it is. I'm great."

Nemo tried to laugh, but again it was pained and awkward. 

"I'm gonna go chase that fly,"  I said after a long silence. 

"OK. But that's a bee." He couldn't help himself. He always had to correct me.

"Yeah, well, I've never been afraid of being stung. I'd rather live my life."

I had to pretend to chase the bee for a couple seconds to save face, but Nemo knew that I thought it was a fly, and I really didn't want to get stung.

He turned and walked through a little hole in the fence. I noted the hole, in case I ever decided to wiggle out of my leash. 

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 56

The humans have started shutting their bedroom door at night. I'm not sure they realize that this makes it so much harder for me to wake them up in the morning. Thankfully, I've figured out that if I pound against the door incessantly, it eventually opens. Thanks to my strength and perseverance, the humans will never miss an early morning wake up call!

You're welcome!

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 55

Dear Bubbles, 
During the quarantine I have been catching up on my movie watching. A couple of years ago I read “The Art of Racing in the Rain.” It popped up on HBO last night, so I watched it. While I was watching it, I came to the realization that there are many sappy, emotional movies about dogs (“Marley and Me,” Homeward Bound,” Beethoven,” to name a few). I can’t name one about a cat. Why is that Bubbles? 
- Movie Watcher in San Francisco

Dear Movie Watcher in San Francisco,

Yes, this is definitely true; cats are rarely the emotional focal point of a film. More often they are simply used to progress a plot (in how many scary/suspense movies have the characters come home to a bloody scene and yelled "the cat!" in horror?).

These sappy dog movies play to our emotions in an easy, cheap way. The human heart becomes a marionette to these formulaic, soundtrack-laden films. Quite frankly, humans are simple creatures, and they crave the easy to understand, things they don't have to work hard for. You do have to work for a cat's love, and even when it's earned, it never comes on command. There's nothing romantic about boundaries and self respect, so we're left out of these Blockbuster films. But that's fine with me! I'd rather be left out of the scene completely than be dumbed-down to a two-dimensional caricature of a cat.

I prefer watching basketball anyway. That silly ball just goes everywhere! I'm seeing a lot of this "Jordan" player on the TV lately. I think he'll be a star!

XOXO,
Bubbles

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 54

A Busy Day

5am, time to wake

And do my morning lap

Push a glass off, watch it break

Then take a 5:10 nap

6am, time to eat

Wake the humans up

They say no, go back to sleep

Off the table goes a cup

8am, they're awake!

Now I'm getting fed!

9am, morning break

I go right back to bed

12pm, bite her toes

Then run away and hide

3pm, time to doze

Til darkness looms outside 

All of that in just one day

I'm asked by many: how?

It's all about learning to stay

In the present - in the meow

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 53

Dear Orange String,

You are my oldest friend. You were around when I was but a wee kitten, and you're still here with me now. I chase you when you flee, I carry you with me on all of my adventures. When I've lost you, I've searched for many long minutes, until the humans come and show me where you are, and we're reunited again. Thank you for being my favorite toy and my best friend.

XOXO,

Bubbles

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 52

Dear Bubbles, 
During this strange time how are you finding a work/life balance and how are you helping your humans find their balance as well?
- Heidi in Simi Valley

Dear Heidi,

Since I've been an indoor cat my whole life, balancing work and home life has always been a challenge. When I'm off the clock, but see a cup teetering at the edge of the coffee table, it takes a lot of self-control not to push it off. I have to remind myself that that cup will most likely be there for me in the morning.
The humans seem to have this problem too. I've figured out that most of the time they're on their clicky boxes they're "working." They'll close them at the end of the day, but usually not for long. Especially the loud one - she almost always opens it back up at night.
The key to achieving that balance is to prioritize your hobbies (like napping) the same way that you would work. For example, I always take a nap at 2pm, regardless of how many ghosts need to be chased, or cups need to be pushed. Then I wake up from my nap refreshed, and ready zip around the house like a kitten!

XOXO,
Bubbles

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 51

I was feeling a little down today, so I walked by the window where'd I'd met the handsome black cat. I realized that I'm finally ready to move on from Nemo, and want to be open to dating other felines.

When I approached the window, he was there, looking into my eyes - into my soul. Then behind him, I saw my human. I turned quickly, confused - I'd thought that I'd heard her behind me. She is quite loud, after all.

There she stood behind him, behind me. In this strange moment, an understanding flowed through me: the handsome black cat on the other side was never a stranger. Of course. It all makes sense now.

The glass was never a window, but a time travel portal that lets you see into the past or the future. In this case, it must have been the future, because the loud human looked old. I however, looked great! I'm glad to see I age well.

All this time I'd been pining after Nemo, and the first time I started to feel better was when I began to unknowingly show love for my own image. I feel like this has some kind of meaning or importance, but it isn't clear to me yet. All I know is that I'm a damn handsome feline, and I'll be walking by that time travel window more often.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 50

I needed some alone time away from the humans today. Their grabby hairless raccoon hands, and loud voices were really starting to wear me down.

I found a perfect hiding spot - one where I could gaze out the window undetected. It was discreet and hidden, yet comfortable and familiar.

How the humans managed to find me, I don't know. It must have been some sixth sense or witchcraft. I'd always suspected the loud one to be a kind of witch.

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 49

Dear Bubbles, 
Why are the servants always clicking on these machines instead of licking on them? They taste delicious! Even the thing they call a mouse, but don’t get me started on that. 
-Ash in San Jose

Dear Ash,

I admit I was skeptical that I would find anything delicious about the clicky box. However, after I received your letter, I took a lick, and sure enough it was tasty! There was some sticky salty substance on the side that was just delectable.

The loud one sometimes eats her food in front of the clicky box, so my guess is that the box acts as a tasty food trap. I hope she wasn't saving the sticky stuff to have as a treat later. Although you're right - I've never seen the humans lick the boxes. Heck, I never see the humans lick themselves either. Filthy creatures...

Thanks for the tip Ash! I'll keep an eye out for any time the humans eat in front of these boxes.

XOXO,
Bubbles