Bear Can't Even

Because there are bears in the Emigrant Wilderness, we had to store all of our food in bear cans. At one point during our hike I loudly exclaimed, out of context, "more like bear can't!"

Bill, not having read my mind for the last 10 minutes, didn't know what I was talking about.

"Wouldn't that be a good brand name for a bear can?" I asked. "Bear can't!"

Then I thought of something even better. "There should be a bear can company geared towards young millennial woman who read Wild and think that backpacking can solve all their problems (like me). And it should be called 'Bear can't even!'"

I even pictured a 1950's-style ad-comic (with just the right amount of sexism), where a large eye-lashed, she-bear asks her strong male counterpart to open the bear can for her (like a can of pickles). She hands it over to him with a look of exasperation saying "I can't even..."

He struggles and struggles, as his large bear muscles bulge, but alas he can't open it either. She-bear walks away in a disappointed huff. With black anger swirls over his head he-bear mumbles, "I can't even..." referring to the high maintenance she-bear.

As I described the scenario to Bill I realized that this ad would never work if we were gearing the product towards strong women. Nevertheless, I continued to think about the exasperated bear couple for the next half hour or so, randomly shouting out new ideas, as if it had been equally on Bill's mind this whole time.