The Story of Scabby

I had a somewhat emotional weekend, which I mostly attribute to the pain I was feeling from a freak finger-crushing accident and the subsequent ten stitches I had on my middle finger on Friday.

Bill was camping all weekend, and I didn't want to be alone after the accident, so I called my parents. My mom was out of town on a work trip, but my dad was at home, recovering from the flu. My friend, who'd sat with me at the hospital, took a Lyft with me to my parent's house.

My dad had prepared a huge bowl of chicken soup, which we ate together and then went to bed, both feeling physically defeated. My finger was still pretty numb from the shots they gave me at the hospital, and I took a painkiller, which made me drowsy. Thankfully I went to sleep in my parent's comfortable guest bedroom pretty easily.

Saturday morning came and I slowly began to feel better and better. By the evening, I felt optimistic about my recovery. 24 hours had passed since the accident, so I prepared myself to change the bandage. I slowly unwrapped the gauze until it started to stick to itself from the leaking blood. It had leaked through about four layers of bandage and as I continued to unwrap, each layer underneath became redder. When I got to my finger, the bandage stuck. I took a deep breathe and pulled it off. Seeing that it continued to leak blood, I started to cry. I'm not sure what I'd expected, but it wasn't the mess that I saw. I became squeamish and panicked slightly - acting like a child for my dad. We called the nurse hotline at Kaiser and she explained that it wasn't unusual for it to be bleeding - that I probably pulled off the scabs that had developed when I removed bandage. I became more upset and moaned that I'd reversed all the healing (which wasn't true), and then even more distraught when the nurse mentioned that we had purchased the wrong bandaids.

My dad, who was still recovering from being sick, went back out to get the correct bandage for me. Then, because I could barely look at my own finger, he tenderly wrapped my finger with the correct non-adhesive bandage (which was impressive because of his history of fainting at the sight of blood*).

Once it was wrapped again, I started to calm down. In moments of panic and vulnerability, I usually want my mom to be there. She is so warm and effortlessly calming. However, in this moment I was so glad to be with my dad. He put a pillow on his lap and told me to lay down. I felt calmer now, but tears still occasionally streaked down my face, as I tried to take deep breaths. It had been 24 hours since my finger had been torn apart, and this was the first time I cried.

We had been discussing Disney movies earlier in the day, and he started talking jokingly about a potential Pixar film with ambiguous, round personified characters named "eeby" and "tuny" who face and overcome adversity. In the end, he said, it's revealed that they are skin cells trying to heal a girl's wound. Then it went from a hypothetical film to a story he began to tell.

"They (the skin cells) all have different, quirky personalities," he said as he calmingly rubbed my head. "And then there's 'scabby' who's misunderstood, but who saves the day. And the brain sounds like a wise, old African American woman."

He went on to talk about how the nervous system kept crying to the brain, who got frustrated. "I get it! You don't need to keep telling me the finger is hurt!" Said the brain. "Stop complaining, and get to work!"

"In the end, the skin cells work with Scabby to heal the wound, and the girl gets to run around and play again," He concluded.

By the end of his story, my finger seemed to be throbbing less intensely, and I was now too comfortable and tired to cry.

My dad used to tell me stories all the time when I was a kid. Often they would relate to something I was going through at the time. I never realized until that moment how much these stories calmed and healed me.


*He's literally passed out in line to give blood before.

Day 100 - Mission Accomplished

On the car ride back from Tahoe, I went through my hand-written notes of entries 92-99. I hadn't yet counted them out, and only just then realized that today was day 100.

It was a strange realization - it meant that I wouldn't feel the need to carry my camera around with me as much as possible anymore. It also meant that I would no longer have to analyze my daily activities, trying to find something interesting or poignant about them. It meant that I could come home after a long tiring day, or a fun exhausting night out, and not have to open my computer to jot down notes for an entry.

I felt slightly relieved, knowing that I would have one less thing hanging over my head every day. However, I also felt a little sad, knowing that it would be the end of an experiment that forced me to be more creative than I've been in a long time.

Even though the 100 day challenge has come to an end, I will try to continue to update my blog and find other ways to be creative as much as possible. Since I won't have to post something everyday, I'll have more time for quality assurance (less quantity, but better quality hopefully)!

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read any of these entries!

Day 99 - Last Day in Tahoe

For the first time all week, I didn't wake up to the sun peaking through the curtains. It wasn't cold, but there was a grey cloud cover, and a strong breeze. It felt like fall. 

There was something calming about the change in weather. I didn't feel obligated to go to the pool or the lake, or to take advantage of the sun, which has been ubiquitous as of late. Instead I curled up with my book and passed much of the day on the couch. 

Bill and I had a relaxed morning and afternoon - eating leftovers, reading, working out and then taking a little nap. In the early evening we headed to Truckee to enjoy a cocktail before dinner. 

On the way to Truckee we drove by a local car show, and decided to check it out. Shiny sports cars, trucks, and wagons of all colors drove slowly past us as judges announced the winners. I snapped a photo on my phone (I hadn't thought to bring my camera), and then we headed into town.

The sun came back out in the late afternoon before it sank behind the mountains. 

Day 98 - Just Can't Get Enough

After only one day back in civilization, we started missing our forest living and decided to take a hike in the nearby Desolation Wilderness. We stopped at Eagle Lake for a swim and then ended our hike at Emerald Bay, Lake Tahoe.

Eagle Lake 

Blue Lake Tahoe 

Love 

At Eagle Lake 

Emerald Bay, Tahoe 

Emerald Bay shores

Day 97 - Crisp White Ankle Socks

Bill and I had decided the night before we left for backpacking that if we ended our trip early, we would head to Tahoe and spend a few days relaxing at my parents' condo. Since the idea was not definitive, and very last minute, we didn't necessarily plan for it. When we got to Tahoe, the only clothes and items that I had were the things that I'd brought backpacking. All of a sudden the clothes that had served me so well for the last five days made me feel embarrassed and self-conscious.

Immediately after the hike, we stopped at a nearby restaurant to satisfy our craving for "real food." With my legs covered in thick matted dirt, my hair sticking stiffly to my head from sweating in a hat for 9 hours, and my general smelly hiking attire, I felt disgustingly conspicuous.

We licked our plates clean within 5 minutes of the food hitting our table. Our plates were damn near spinning when we headed out. I made sure to leave a good tip since I feared we may have been the reason the tables surrounding us remained unoccupied.

On the car ride to Tahoe I checked my texts and all the social medias. After scrolling through Facebook for about a half hour, I declared to Bill that I'm deleting the app from my phone. It wasn't much of a commitment since I hadn't gone as far as deleting my account, but I felt it would still be a step in a positive (not technology-addicted) direction.

"I should delete Clash of Clans too..." I declared less definitively. Facebook and Clash of Clans were by far the two apps I wasted the most time on. Sometimes I'd go on my phone to send a text, and 30 minutes later I'd have FB stalked 5 people, and reorganized my Clash of Clans village, but not sent the text. With some remorse, I bid farewell to my internet friends/clan mates, and removed the app from my phone.

We took cold showers (the hot water hadn't been turned on yet), did laundry and crashed in what felt like the world's most comfortable bed.

The next day I was on a mission to get a mani-pedi. With my nails so disgustingly brown and chipped, I felt that there was nothing in the world that could make me feel better. I threw on my wool hiking socks, boots, hiking pants, and work-out shirt and headed to a nearby salon.

After my mani pedi, we stopped in CVS and I bought a three pack of cotton white ankle socks for $4. I tore off my sweaty wool socks and replaced them with my new crisp white ones.

"Look at you in your fancy ankle socks!" Bill exclaimed.

"I know! It's wonderful!" I remarked genuinely.

The mani-pedi was great, but these ankle socks made me feel even better. They somehow made me feel like a more civilized human being - like someone who was meant to be around other people. When I got back to the condo, I retired my wool socks for the rest of the trip.

Day 96 - The Hike Out

At Lower Buck Lake we were about a 13 mile hike out of the forest. We decided to hike 9 miles back to Grouse Lake, and then hike 4 miles out the next day.

I set my alarm for the first time since we started backpacking so that I would be sure to catch the sunrise. It had been spectacular yesterday, but I hadn't been able to muster the strength to get out of my sleeping bag and take a picture.

However, like the stars at Gem Lake, that sunrise was a one-time thing. This morning dark grey clouds covered the opening in the mountains that the sun had shined so brightly through yesterday.

Even though the sunrise was not so spectacular, it was still a beautiful sight to watch as the sun finally peaked above the cloud cover, and the mountains slowly came to life.

Just before sunrise

As the sun peaked above the clouds

Since we were up by dawn, we got an extra early start to our hike. We passed over familiar ground, going more or less the same way that we'd hiked in. I was in awe at much better the hike out felt than the hike in had. I knew that there were multiple reasons for this: it was downhill instead of uphill, we'd eaten a lot of the weight and had adjusted to the altitude, and most importantly, we had enough water. I had the "bro-y" (according to Bill) realization that it felt like the first and last downward dog in yoga. I walked over the same rocks out as I did in, yet I felt so different the second time around. I was relaxed and calm, rather than stressed and somewhat frantic. By the time we finished 9 miles and reached Grouse Lake, I felt better than I had the first time we reached the same lake after hiking only 4 miles in.

Our packs taking a break a the lake

Bill jumped in the water, but I was deterred by all the critters that inhabited the lake. Being at a lower altitude than the other lakes, there were far more bugs, reptiles and amphibians at Grouse. It was fun to watch them jump and slither around, but I preferred not to swim with them.

Bill's swimming companion

The day was still young, and we surprisingly still had energy. After the mention of cheeseburgers and pizza, the idea of just hiking all the way out was put on the table. I wasn't sure I could stomach another freeze dried meal, for reasons I won't describe, and the thought of warm, real food had never before sounded so appealing. 

So we grabbed our bags and trekked the last four miles out of the forest. It was a little rough at the end - the second to last mile is a steep uphill climb - but overall it wasn't bad. We took a little break after the uphill climb, before our final mile. I was proud of both of us, and happy at the thought of eating, but I was also a little sad. I don't think I'd ever experienced a vacation so entirely relaxing as this trip had been. As we walked along the path towards the parking lot where 'Ol Prizy (Bill's Chevy Prizm) was parked, I buzzed on and on about where our next backpacking trip should be.

At the top of the hill with one mile left

Bear Can't Even

Because there are bears in the Emigrant Wilderness, we had to store all of our food in bear cans. At one point during our hike I loudly exclaimed, out of context, "more like bear can't!"

Bill, not having read my mind for the last 10 minutes, didn't know what I was talking about.

"Wouldn't that be a good brand name for a bear can?" I asked. "Bear can't!"

Then I thought of something even better. "There should be a bear can company geared towards young millennial woman who read Wild and think that backpacking can solve all their problems (like me). And it should be called 'Bear can't even!'"

I even pictured a 1950's-style ad-comic (with just the right amount of sexism), where a large eye-lashed, she-bear asks her strong male counterpart to open the bear can for her (like a can of pickles). She hands it over to him with a look of exasperation saying "I can't even..."

He struggles and struggles, as his large bear muscles bulge, but alas he can't open it either. She-bear walks away in a disappointed huff. With black anger swirls over his head he-bear mumbles, "I can't even..." referring to the high maintenance she-bear.

As I described the scenario to Bill I realized that this ad would never work if we were gearing the product towards strong women. Nevertheless, I continued to think about the exasperated bear couple for the next half hour or so, randomly shouting out new ideas, as if it had been equally on Bill's mind this whole time.

Day 95 - Without our Packs

We decided to stay two nights at Buck Lake, and therefore had another beach day. After lounging and reading for a while, I grew restless and got Bill to go on a day hike with me. We left our heavy packs and took off to explore the area around beautiful Buck Lake.

Upper Buck Lake

We walked around the upper edge of the lake, and headed towards Deer Lake on the north side. The path just kept ascending, so we decided to make our way to the top to see if there was a view. And there was...

Bill's realm

We sat on the peak for a while, but it began to feel lonely. I couldn't see or hear anyone anywhere in the vast wilderness. It's odd how it feels so good to be alone by the lake's edge surrounded by mountains, but so empty to be alone at the mountain's peak.

So we headed back down towards the shores of Buck Lake, where we passed the rest of the day.

Our campsite at Buck Lake

We spent the afternoon in the crystal clear water, swimming from island to island, exploring caves, and boulders on foot and in water. In the early evening I read more of Anna Karenin, a novel I once thought too intimating to start, but was now deep into.

I watched the sun set behind the mountains, and went to bed shortly after. I would open my eyes every once and a while to remind myself of the beauty around me.

Sirens

Last night I heard sirens. Although being almost 10 miles away from the nearest road, I knew that this was impossible, that I was hearing phantom noises.

At every house and apartment I've lived in in San Francisco, I would hear sirens almost every night. The sound was always a stressful reminder of the fragility of life. Although in this context, the sound seemed different to me. Even though there was no real such noise, it was comforting, as though help would be nearby if needed.

In truth, there was complete silence. Maybe I was hearing these phantom sirens because my brain couldn't comprehend a silence so pure. Maybe my mind knew that I was a little frightened of being alone in the woods, and it wanted to calm me, so it created a noise synonymous with home.

Whatever the cause, I eventually drifted off to sleep to a nonexistent chorus of ambulances.

Day 94 - Truly Alone

We got up early at Gem lake after a good night's sleep. I'd only woken up once during the night, and saw through the mesh at the top of my tent, the milky way. I'd never seen the stars so bright and plentiful before, and being half asleep, I almost thought that I'd dreamed it. I would wake up every night after, trying to see the same brilliance, but I was never able to see the stars like that again. The moon was waxing, and was likely the culprit.

We ate breakfast, packed up all of our things, and said goodbye to Gem lake. It had been good to us, but we were growing restless and were ready to move on.

As we hiked towards Buck Lake, where we were planning on spending the next night, we passed more and more beautiful scenery.

Unlike the first day of hiking, this day was mostly flat, and narrated by lakes and streams. Not to mention that our packs were noticeably lighter from all the food we'd eaten.

We took our first break at Wood Lake, where I pulled out my book and read, while Bill fished.

Bill fishing

After reading for a bit, I climbed up some boulders to see if I could get a better view of the lake. I waited until I reached the top before I turned around, and saw that there was a whole mountain range that had been hiding behind the trees.

Peak-a-boo!

Wood Lake was so long, that by the time we reached the end of it, we were almost at our destination, Buck Lake.

Walking along Wood Lake

As we reached our campsite at Buck Lake, I couldn't believe that there was still another lake more beautiful than the two we'd seen already. Having arrived at just about lunch time, after our leisurely hike, we munched on cheese, salami and crackers, and enjoyed another cocktail by our new private beach. I stretched out my tired legs, and breathed in the fresh air. At 14 miles in, we were truly alone. 

Lower Buck Lake

The Ant

By the second day of our trip, I still hadn't gotten completely used to every tickle on my body being an ant or a spider. I would usually hope that it was the former, and it usually was. The ants were so large, that you could almost feel each individual step on your skin.

I would be lying on a warm rock by the lake, and feel something slowly moving up my arm. Rather then slap at it, I would usually sit up and blow the ant off. He would fly off my arm, onto a rock nearby and continue crawling along, unfazed.

At one point I reached for my water bottle, and there was a large ant crawling up the side. I shook the bottle, but he gripped tight and didn't budge. So I hit the bottle against a rock a couple times to try to shake him off. In my clumsy attempt, I hit his little ant body on the rock. He fell from the bottle, staggered a bit and then stopped moving.

I sat for a moment, feeling oddly remorseful, as I stared at his motionless curled body. I'd never in my life felt so sorry for killing an ant.

I spray at them mercilessly at home, wiping them off my counters, thinking "not in my house."

But this wasn't my house. This was his house. I felt as silly as I did remorseful, as I used a leaf to pick his little body up, and put him into the lake, where he floated away.

Day 93 - Mild by Lorraine Stayed

I thought of this title during the first hike and wanted Bill to take a picture that encapsulated it. However, this photo was actually taken at Grouse Lake, before we nearly murdered and ate each other for the over 60% water in our bodies.

Lorraine Stayed

Because the first day ended up being anything but mild for me, I decided against using it. The second day, on the other hand, was incredibly mild, and therefore appropriate. I woke up to the sound of nothing, not immediately realizing where I was. The tent was made of a mostly a see-through mesh, so I was able to eventually grasp my location by the jutting granite rocks, and towering evergreen trees.

Our camp at Gem Lake

I got up feeling refreshed and revitalized. Most of the other campers at the lake had already left to continue their hikes, and I realized that Bill and I were likely alone. I stood up and did some stretches, while Bill warmed water for coffee and oatmeal. Just as I was beginning to really enjoy myself, the mountain across the way started to become less and less visible. Mother Nature's hazy smoke filter blurred out its trees and rocks, and the sky became an ugly grey.

As the sky darkened, both Bill and I complained about our breathing, and decided that there was no way we could hike anywhere today.

We'd chosen to hike Emigrant Wilderness because it was one of the only places not currently affected by all the forest fires in California. However, like the smoke rolling in, a black cloud hovered over our moods. We both became upset that our beautiful lakeside day was now going to be filled with hacking coughs and no views.

Just as we were grumbling and feeling sorry for ourselves, a ranger came by. We talked to him for a while, and asked about the smoke.

"Yeah, this is the worst I've seen it," He said. "Must be from a fire to the east. Hopefully it'll clear up later today."

At this moment in time, I couldn't imagine the smoke possibly clearing up. In my mind, the trip was ruined. I would be strapped to my inhaler, carrying a useless heavy camera for the rest of the trip.

However, shortly after the ranger left, I started to notice the trees on the mountain across the way. Then about an hour later, the sky became indisputably blue.

Bill and I rejoiced, and immediately took to the lake. Our decision to stay and hang out had not changed with the forecast.

We drank cocktails (whiskey with lemonade mix and water) on the shore of the lake as the sun, so hated yesterday, was now welcomed on my wet skin. I stared across the shore of the small lake, noticing not a single person. As an extrovert, I feared that I would be lonely on this trip, but the silence, like the sun, was so welcomed at this moment.

I realized, as I sat on a warm rock on the water's edge that I hadn't thought about work or any of my obligations back home at all today. I'd only thought of breakfast, lunch and dinner, and what was to be done in between.

Gem Lake

Day 92 - Into the Wilderness

Bill mentioned that we were going to try to hike 9 miles into Emigration Wilderness on the first day of our backpacking trip, so we wanted to get an early start. We were out the door before sunrise, only turning back once because I forgot something, per usual.

We lost reception miles before we reached the trailhead, and had to trust paper maps to get us there. Surprisingly, we found our way.

It's a strange feeling leaving your car behind and walking into the wilderness, knowing that you won't be back for a week. In the beginning, we saw a decent amount of people - some with large packs like ours, others with smaller day packs. We trudged ahead of a large group - a couple fit young men waited impatiently ahead, while the stragglers caught their breathe. I walked by feeling confident that we would make it farther than they would.

"How many miles do you think we've gone?" I asked Bill, panting.

"I think we're almost at the first mile marker," Bill replied.

I tried not to show my disappointment.

The first lake was about 4 miles in. When we got there, I threw down my 45-pound pack and tore open the snacks. Bill asked how I was doing and mentioned that we could stay that night at Grouse Lake if we wanted to. The only thing I hate more than quitting is appearing weak, so I shook off the first few miles and feigned a smile. "No, let's keep going," I said, regretting my words as they left my lips.

I mentioned Cheryl Strayed just about every 10 minutes, comparing her life-changing, months-long, solo endeavor to my week-long vacation. As we walked on, more pop-culture references started to roll through my mind. I felt like Arya Stark, abandoning all that I know and becoming no one. Then, as we ran out of water, I felt like Imperator Furiosa, from Mad Max, venturing across the wilderness in search of the most precious resource.

Although when we reached the section of the hike where we'd meant to fill our water bottles up, and found the segment of the creek dry, I stopped floating on a distracted cloud, and became furiously on a mission to reach the next lake. We had three more miles to hike in the heat, with no water. At the beginning of the hike, the idea of walking three miles would have seemed negligible. Although having hiked 6 miles already, and feeling parched and exhausted, the idea of 3 more miles was terribly daunting.

"This is going to be horrible!" Bill moaned, feeling just as thirsty as I was. "The last three miles are all uphill."

I turned around to face him - the talking was at a minimum at this point. "Please don't say that," I said sternly. I imagine my eyes were piercing through him angrily. "The hike is bad enough. You saying that makes it so much worse."

"I'm sorry," he replied. "I'm sorry this hike is so bad."

"It's OK," I said - my eyes were probably wide and crazy. "Let's just keep walking."

Even though those last three miles were in the highest altitude, all uphill, with little reprieve from the sun, they were likely the fastest.

The last half mile was an uphill climb over boulders. I literally clambered to the top, on all fours, thinking of one thing - water.

When we reached Gem lake, my body quit. I used the last of my energy to help Bill filter water for drinking. I'd never been so thirsty in my life, and was surprised at how difficult it was to intake water. I could only handle small sips at a time.

As we set up camp I realized that I hadn't eaten a meal since the morning. I also realized that I hadn't peed once during this 9-mile, 7-hour hike. I forced myself to drink more, so that I would at least "use the bathroom" once before I went to bed.

I jumped into the lake briefly before the sun went down and felt the cold water envelope my parched skin. Surrounded by large granite mountains, I felt as though I were swimming in a bottled water ad. If Bill hadn't insisted on using common sense, I would have drunk the water directly from the lake. Although I was immediately grateful for this common sense when I overheard someone from the other side of the lake exclaim to his friend that of course the lake was the bathroom.

Day 91 - Off the Grid

Bill and I are going backpacking for a week starting tomorrow. We won't have access to cell coverage or internet of any sort. It'll be the first time that I've been disconnected from the world for that long a time.

I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also a little nervous. How will my Clash of Clans village fare without me? What hilarious Instagram posts will I miss because I won't want to scroll that far back? What news will be hot and then not, and I'll never even really know that it happened?

As I start to think of these things, I actually become more terrified of the technology addicted person I've become, than off the prospect of being alone in the wilderness for a week.

On a side note, I will bring my camera and a journal, and will update my blog when I get back.

Day 90 - Where Dreams are Made of

I bought tickets to New York tonight. Nothing in the world makes me more excited than the idea of going to New York. I've been enough times now that I think I've lost track. But every time I go, I almost immediately get swept up in the excitement.

It used to be a place that I was sure I wanted to live someday. Now, I'm not all that sure. I love space and nature and calm too much. Although every time I go, there's some kind of magic that convinces me that the only thing that's important is the moment.

Day 89 - Why I Can't Leave....

Today I grabbed beers with my good friend, Sara and her friends visiting from New York. We went to Biergarten in Hayes Valley and then headed to Monsieur Benjamin for dinner.

Sara works as a pastry chef at Monsieur Benjamin, so we got the VIP treatment. They sat us immediately (even though the wait was technically two hours), and brought us palette cleansing aperitifs. This was followed by several appetizers, delicious entrees, superb cocktails, more aperitifs, cheese plates and desserts (much of which was compliments of the chef).

The staff would come by occasionally and poke fun at Sara. I could tell that they really liked her and were happy to see her enjoying the other side of the restaurant experience.

After what was one of the most spectacular dinners I've had in a long time, I rode my bike back to the Richmond to go to an old friend's birthday party.

Bill was working so I went into the bar by myself. I talked to a ton of different people, from all walks of life. After a night of old friends and new, I headed home, tired and content.

My roots have grown so deep here, and it seems they just keep growing deeper. I can't go very far without running into someone I know. I have friends from every stage of my life - from elementary school to my current job, and everything in between. Even a few friends from college have moved up here.

As much as I get restless to leave - to explore something new - I can't. At least not right now. The family and friends that I have here allow for a quality of life that I never thought possible. There's nothing in the world more important than that.

Day 88 - Fearallon (see what I did there)

Kimberley Chambers, the first woman to swim from the Farallon Islands to the Golden Gate bridge, spoke at my work today.

I've always been petrified of sharks - so much so that I even get spooked going into the ocean in clear, beautiful Hawaiian beaches. I couldn't fathom how this amazing woman was able to overcome that fear. This, more than anything, was what impressed me.

When she finished speaking, I worked up the courage to ask her what the most frightening or daunting part of these open water swims was. I half expected her to say "fear of failure," or "the physical pain that I knew I'd endure," but she simply responded that she was terrified that she'd jump right into a great white shark's mouth, upon getting in the water.

This response made her seem more human, even relatable. Yeah, she'd endured 200 jellyfish stings on a swim in 52 degree water, but she still was most afraid of the same thing that I am.

Certain hardships you know your body can survive, and others you know you're body can't. Being bitten in half by a giant prehistoric beast is definitely the latter. Perhaps that's why even the strongest humans have this rational fear.

Day 87 - Handle Bar Bump

I'd like to think that in all these years of riding my bike, I've gotten wiser and more aware on the road. Often times I don't think this is the case - I sometimes lose my temper at other people, and can get careless. Although today I was proud of myself.

I was biking up Market Street when a car in front of me started to turn right. I slowed down to nearly a stop, rather than passing it on the right, so that it could complete the turn. A woman on a bike right behind me didn't expect me to slow down and crashed into me on the left side.

"Wooo buddy!" I yelled, as I nearly fell off of my bike in the middle of the street.
"Why the hell are you stopping?!" She yelled back at me.

This caught me off-guard. I often encounter cyclists in a rush, who don't pay that much attention to traffic rules, but they at least realize they're in the wrong when something like this happens.

"I stopped because that car was turning right." I replied. We were now riding next to each other, semi-yelling.

"You didn't have to stop! What are you doing?!" She yelled.

"Yes I did." I yelled back at her. "I'm not trying to get hit here!"

She rolled her eyes. "You didn't have to stop!" She yelled again.

"Hey, look," I said. "I'm not mad. I'm just not at fault here. If more people actually stopped like that, maybe people wouldn't hate cyclists so much."

We'd ridden together for a good block at this point, yelling back and forth. She got quiet, and I saw something that looked like embarrassment pass over her face.

"I'm sorry," She said. "I'm really sorry."

This surprised me. "It's OK." I said, relieved.

"It was kind of a fist bump." She joked (her handle bar had hit mine).

"Yeah..." I replied, not quite ready to joke or be her friend yet, but grateful that the situation had calmed down.

"I'm really sorry about that." She said again.

Day 86 - Sunday Funday

I met my good friend Rosie in Stern Grove to watch the last Summer concert of the year. After which, I headed to Amanda's dad's apartment to sit poolside on this unbelievably beautiful day.

 Rosie Posie

Bathing beauties 

The view from the pool

Day 85 - Farallon Adventure

I went on a whale watching trip with my mom, dad and uncle to the Farallon Islands today. I've always been curious to see this wondrous tip of the "Red Triangle." Eerily barren, these islands were nothing but quiet. Seals barked over birds chirping, shrieking and cawing. The shard-like rocks, jutting out of the middle of the ocean were full of life, and the stench of guano.

 Dad and uncle

Uncle and mom 

 Seal jump 1

Seal jump 2 

 The islands

 Whale got back

 Whale got tail

 A young Mola Mola

Mom and dad

Day 84 - Sun Soaked

We had our annual "company BBQ" today, filled with food, drinks and games. The event took place on Treasure Island, and it was an amazingly beautiful day.

I don't have the energy to write much, so I will leave you with this piece of wisdom: wear sunscreen.

Day 83 - Small World

Today Tara and I hung out for a bit after work at our friend Sean's apartment. As we were walking over, I commented on how close he lives to my parents. "I used to babysit a couple of kids on your block!" I said.

As we approached his house, I realized that he lived in the same building as the family that I babysat for about 10 years ago. 

We walked inside and I noticed that layout was exactly the same as the downstairs unit, where I spent many late nights playing games and watching movies. When we walked out to his back porch, I heard a familiar voice. 

I had a brief reunion with the family. William, who I'd started babysitting at 3 months old, looked like he was about 6 feet tall. Jessica, his younger sister, also had grown about 2 feet since I'd last seen her.

I said my goodbyes, and the three of us headed back in. When you spend your whole life in a city, it just gets smaller and smaller every year. 

Day 82 - I know my spelling's bad...

Because half the time Spell Check doesn't even know what I'm trying to spell. Thanks technology.

Day 81 - Bird the Badge

I took a break this afternoon to get coffee with my dad. After the lovely interlude, as we stood up to head back to our respective jobs, a white flash zipped by my peripheral vision and slapped me on the butt.

"What was that!?" I semi-yelled in the middle of the cafe. It felt like a slap, but there was no one near me. I looked around, confused, and then turned to my dad. "Something slapped me in the butt!" I said, shocked. "What in the world was that?"

A young man nearby looked up from his computer. "It was your badge, hun" he said empathetically. "It got stuck and retracted."

With the attention of the entire cafe at this point, I searched for words to cover my embarrassment, or to explain somehow that I was not an idiot. "Oh!" I exclaimed. "I thought it was a bird!"

As if I could not leave the cafe fast enough, my ever-so-popular dad ran into an old friend on his way out, and made the mistake of introducing me as his daughter rather than disassociating himself from me forever.

Day 80 - The Pink Dolphin

I'm not sure if it's because I'm going whale watching this weekend, or if it's the thought of global warming looming on my mind, but I've had several dreams of whales and dolphins beaching themselves recently.

Last night I had an interesting one. I dreamt that I was at Baker Beach watching a dolphin swim just offshore. It was clearly a Bottlenose, but it was pink like an Amazon River Dolphin. I wanted more than anything to play with her, so I ran out towards the ocean. However, when I got closer she came towards me and beached herself on the sand.

In that moment, I realized that this was the closest I would ever be to her - that if she were in the ocean she wouldn't let me come near. I selfishly wanted her to stay, but I knew she would die. So I grabbed her by the tail and pulled her back out into the ocean. I went into the water with her, hoping she would hang out for a bit and play, but she did what I expected, and slowly swam away.

Day 79 - Saturday Night's Alright

Today I watched Elton John perform in Golden Gate Park with my mom. My mom is not a huge concert goer, and is not especially fond of music festivals, but decided to make an exception for Elton.

When he started playing Saturday Night's Alright, her excitement became tangible. I'm not sure I've ever seen my mom dance like she did during those electric five minutes.

About four years ago my mom had knee-replacement surgery on both knees. The surgeon botched the surgery, and put one of the replacements in crooked. Her recovery was slow to the point of nonexistent, and finally, after struggling for nearly a year, she went under the knife again.

The damage from the first surgery not only left my mom without feeling in much of her affected leg, onset back pain, and other issues, it really damaged her psyche. My mom is a vibrant, lively person, who doesn't get slowed down by much, but the botched knee surgery brought her to a stop. Fortunately the second surgery managed to correct a lot of the damage, although her loss of feeling, among other issues, remained.

To see her years later, dancing harder than I was (and I dance hard), was inspiring. It was a good reminder that you can get through even the toughest times, and come out of the other side happy again. The human spirit is resilient, and my mom's is especially so.

Day 78 - Things I Overheard at Outside Lands

1. Bro #1 to bro #2 as they navigate the crowd (philosophically): "You know, life is just one big game of Frogger."

2. Very drunk 19 y/o-ish feather headed, face painted girl #1: "Why aren't we moving up?"
Drunk girl #2 (slurred): "Um...we gotta be near the back so we can book it to mumfsms." (Mumford and Sons)

3. Boyfriend: "You're struggling with that scarf"
Girlfriend (genuinely frustrated): "It's because...I want it to cover my arms. Like a shirt. But it's technically a scarf."

4. Brah: "Outside Lands is so chill. Coachella tries too hard."

5. Young guy navigating the crowd too quickly: "I can't even see...where there's people...or anybody."

6. End of the night, two drunk girls stumbling home. Girl #1: "I'm like so tired. I feel like I accomplished nothing...and so much at the same time."

Day 77 - Today was a Good Day

Having unexpectedly come into Outside Lands three-day passes, I decided to work from home today. At about 4pm, I headed across the street to Golden Gate Park. I watched Glass animals and Chet Faker with a couple friends, but had to leave shortly after. There was a going away party across town that I couldn't miss.

One of my best friends, Tanya, is moving to New York in a week. I chatted with old and new friends as I ate Tanya's homemade Vietnamese and Lebanese cuisine.

People at the party were surprised that I didn't stay at Outside Lands for the headliner. To be honest, I said, I wasn't too set on seeing Mumford and Sons anyway. I'd also only just recently gotten these tickets, and had two more days of music ahead of me.

I think it's spontaneous, friend-filled days like these that we live for. It's good to know that after 28 years of life, they still keep coming.

Day 76 - Outside Lands 2008

2008 was the first year I went to Outside Lands. It was also the first year that it existed. I went with a friend from work, who I didn't know all that well. By the end of the night, we were nearly best friends. I watched as she changed "Lorraine work" in her phone to just "Lorraine."

The night ended with Radiohead. A guy behind us was obviously interested in my friend, and asked if she wanted to sit on his shoulders. His friend, not wanting me to feel left out, asked me the same. Having just come back from my year abroad of eating in France, at a prime 25 pounds heavier than I am now, I politely said "you really don't have to."

"No, I want to," said the 5"6 skinny boy who I was about to crush. It took some heaving, and an almost disaster, but I got to watch the final two songs of the set from the best seat in the house.

Day 75 - A Cyclist's Rant

Often times, when I tell people that I ride my bike, I get an immediate negative reaction. Sometimes people will just reply with "I hate cyclists," which surprises me, since it's usually said right after I say that I'm a cyclist.

I used to just ignore the comment, or reply with something empathetic like, "yeah, a lot of cyclists are assholes." Although recently, I've gotten tired of it. The last few times this was said to me, I politely reminded the other person that I just said that I'm a cyclist.

The other person usually comes back with something like, "Well, if you follow the rules, I don't hate you." Or "I don't hate you. I just hate cyclists."

It's frustrating that people don't think blanket statements like that would bother me.

The comparison that immediately comes to mind is race. Although I know that would be an ignorant comparison. The last thing people want to read about is a young, white, tech worker comparing some minor strife they have with racial prejudice.

I realized that it's actually much more like telling a lawyer that you hate lawyers. You have a choice in your mode of transport as you do in your career. When someone decides to practice law, or to ride a bike, there is nothing wrong with that decision. In fact, both decisions could be great ones. Riding your bike reduces traffic, helps the environment, and helps the rider get fresh air and exercise. To be a lawyer, you have to be smart and driven and you could use your degree for various good causes.

The choice in and of itself isn't bad, as long as you obey the law and ride/practice with a conscience. Although because other people who have made the same choices in the past have done bad things, you're lumped into that negative category.

So please, if anyone is reading this, when someone says that they are a cyclist, or a lawyer, or a politician, or a motorcyclist, don't say "Motorcycles are so loud and annoying!" Or "All politicians are terrible!" Remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Day 74 - The Outer Mission

These pictures were actually taken Sunday. I'd never been mini golfing before, so Bill and I decided to check out Urban Putt in the Mission. 

It's unclear who won the match since the score card was destroyed in the wash. 

Day 73 - Cleaning

I don't like cleaning. I do it, because if I didn't, I would be living in squalor.

I think what I dislike the most about cleaning, is how short-lived the "clean" state actually lasts. When I finally do get it together, and scrub the toilet, clean in between the shower tiles, and dust every horizontal surface, I feel a brief satisfaction. Although within a week, the gunk and the dust, and the mess are all back.

Day 72 - I Baked Something

The title says it all.

Between being fed meals at work, and having a fiancé who cooks all the time, I thought that I'd forgotten how to use an oven. But I managed to use one today to make croissant bread pudding (homemade croissants courtesy of my very own Bill).

Day 71 - To Rally or not to Rally

I had a lot of fun last night. Too much fun. Most of today was spent on the couch, watching episodes of The Wire until I got depressed and then binge-watched Broad City.

Around 6, my phone started coming alive.

"Come out! Come out!" It buzzed. My dearest friends wanted me to join them on a beautiful Saturday night out in the city.

I must have contemplated whether or not to go out for over two hours. Then the sun set, and my bed called to me. "Lorraine, come here." It said. "I have a secret."

So I went to hear what the secret was. Turns out it's that my bed is really really comfortable.

Day 70 - You Look Like...

I went out tonight for a friends birthday. While on the dance floor, someone told me I looked like Gillian Anderson. While a comment like that may have annoyed most people, I'm rarely ever told that I look like someone, so I appreciated the comparison.

I thanked him and moved along. I had dancing to do and time was running short.

The bar closed, and I called a Lyft home. While talking to the driver he randomly said "You're from Oklahoma, aren't you?"

"Huh? No..." I responded. "Why?"

"You just look like you're from Oklahoma. I know a lot of people from there, and you look like them."

"Well, there are a lot of white people in Oklahoma..."

"No, it's not that! He insisted. Not just that. They have a certain look. A certain bone structure. Are you sure you're not from Oklahoma?"

"Yeah, pretty sure. I'm from here."

He almost looked as though he didn't believe me.

"Where are you from?" I asked - a question I don't always feel comfortable asking someone with an accent, but felt that it was more than appropriate at this point in the conversation.

"Pakistan," He said. "But I've been here for 15 years."

I realized people probably tell him he looks like he's from this place or that all the time. Maybe he just thinks that's how people make conversation.

I said goodbye and thanked him for the ride. I looked in the mirror when I came home, maybe to check to see if Scully in a cowboy hat would be staring back. But it was just me; tired, drunk, Lorraine from San Francisco.

Day 69 - Like a Hurricane

I met my friend Tanya, and several of her friends, at Off The Grid in the Haight tonight. We tried a variety of different fusion foods from various trucks until we'd eaten our way around the world.

Then we walked a few blocks to Hobson's Choice and split a punch bowl. After a few hours of good food, good drinks, and good laughs, we decided to call it a night. I unlocked my bike and said my goodbyes.

As I rode home, I felt the breeze blow through my hair. It felt so liberating. For a moment I was completely content, as I glided down Cabrillo, singing softly to myself. That is, until I realized that I was only feeling this liberating breeze blowing through my hair because I wasn't wearing my helmet.

"Shit!" I said out loud as I slammed on my breaks. I realized that I must have left my helmet at the bar.

I turned around, and rode back to the bar as fast as I could. I got there in a speedy 10 minutes, sweating and panting, I asked the bouncer if I could leave my bike with him while I ran in to grab my helmet. He gave me an odd look and agreed. A newish-looking couple was sitting at our table. "Excuse me," I said. "Is there a helmet over there?" I definitely caught them off-guard, but they obliged in standing up and briefly looking. I turned my flashlight on and ducked under their table when they weren't able to find it.

"Hey!" I yelled to the bartender, after I didn't find it under the table. "Do you have a helmet? I mean, I left a helmet. Did anyone turn it in?"

He didn't even give me eye contact, and shook his head.

I walked out of the bar, defeated. Where could it have gone?

And then...oh. I felt my backpack, and sure enough there was a hard helmet-shaped object in there.

I tried to walk out of sight of the bar, but I'm pretty sure the bouncer saw me pull my helmet out of my backpack. Then as I hopped on my bike, to ride away as fast as I could, the chain fell off the gears. So I sat about 10 feet away from the bar fixing my bike for the next 5 minutes, and then took off like a storm.

Day 68 - The Right Attitude

On my way to work this morning, I accidentally (and a little aggressively) tried to pass a cyclist who was turning left. She motioned angrily at me and yelled, "Hey! I'm turning!"

I was a little out of it, and taken aback, and therefore failed to respond. I just rode by in silence. We continued along the same route, turned into the same parking garage, and then parked our bikes in the same bike cage. So she's a co-worker, I realized.

It reminded me how important it is to be aware of your surroundings and to treat everyone with respect. I should treat everyone I encounter as if it's someone I have to see every day, not just because they might actually be a co-worker, but because that's how everyone deserves to be treated.

That same evening, I rode my bike home more slowly and more carefully. I stopped at a stop sign in Golden Gate Park to let a car that had been waiting go. The car started to pull into the intersection when a bike zipped by me, and took the car's turn. I looked over at the driver, expecting him to impatiently wave me along, or give me a cyclist-hating stare. Instead he just smiled and gave me a thumbs up. He choose to thank me for stopping rather than get hung up on the cyclist who didn't.

That's the right attitude, I thought as I smiled and waved back.

Day 67 - Spider Eviction

I stepped into the shower this morning only to come face to face with a large brown spider. He wasn't far from the shower head and I could have easily washed him down the drain. Instead, I grabbed a tupperware from the kitchen and came back, only to see a second spider on the other side of the shower. I managed to trap both spiders in two separate containers. Proud of my humane solution to the problem, I woke Bill up to show him the two secured arachnids.

He sleepily feigned "my hero," and asked that I be sure to dump them somewhere far from our apartment.

I stepped outside, removed the lids, and shook them out of the containers. They both stood on the concrete, confused, likely shaken, and then slowly started wondering off to find a new home.

Day 66 - Redefining "Chick-Flick"

I recently watched the new Amy Schumer film, Trainwreck. Even though it was a mediocre movie, there was something refreshing about it; it was fun to watch an unapologetic, unconventional female lead.

Bridesmaids was the first mainstream film I'd seen that really pushed that boundary. It was the type of comedy that used to only be made for men - raunchy, somewhat disgusting, and completely silly. When I saw Bridesmaids with my best friend (who'd just gotten married), I hurt from laughing by the end. I couldn't believe how much the characters hit home. In the movie, women were people who swore, sweat, shat, and talked shit to each other.

I'm not saying that women hadn't been depicted this way previously in films - they had been. Although it's always the weird friend, strange sister or crazy aunt who feels comfortable enough to apologize loudly for her snart (sneeze-fart), while everyone rolls their eyes.

Liz Lemon (Tina Fey's character), in 30 Rock also pushed this boundary. She was a female lead who wasn't primarily concerned with her looks, romance, and how to have it all. She liked food, generally didn't know how to talk to or date men, and spent ample time on her couch. Even though the characters in 30 Rock were all somewhat exaggerated personalities, she was still a more realistic female character than almost any character I'd seen prior.

Recently, I've noticed more of this in both TV and film. Bridesmaids satisfied a craving that women everywhere didn't even know that we had. We'd been craving relatable, realistic, multidimensional female leads in our entertainment.

Even though Trainwreck will probably not go down in history as a great movie, the theater was still packed on a Tuesday night. Who knew that the niche of depicting women as human people would be so profitable?

Day 65 - Sick Again

I may have worn myself out again. After the show on Saturday, I came home and fell asleep by 6pm, and didn't wake up again until 9am. It's become a trend for me to fill my week with happenings, and then crash over the weekend. This shan't continue.

Day 64 - Marin, the Show and the "Hike"

Today I saw my younger cousin, Natasha, in a high school production of the musical, Rent. My uncle and I drove up to Marin to have brunch with my aunt beforehand. We didn't hit any traffic and had time to kill, so we decided to go for a hike in her "neighborhood" (I put neighborhood in quotes because I don't know what you call beautiful rolling hills filled with wildlife, scattered houses, estuaries, and lakes). I snapped this shot of my uncle, at the beginning of our "hike" (again, the quotes. I walked for about a mile in flats).

Day 63 - Noe Valley

I had dinner tonight in Noe Valley. I grew up about a 10 minute bus ride from this neighborhood, but rarely ventured out there. The rolling hills provide beautiful views at every turn. Cute boutiques, and warmly lit restaurants are dappled in between grand, colorful victorian houses. It's easy to understand why families settle down in this quaint little corner of San Francisco.

Day 62 - Houses in a Row

There's a row of houses that I always pass on my bike ride home. Every time I pass them I admire the view and I think, "I really wish I had my nice camera with me." The sun is usually setting at this point of my ride, and the light reflects so perfectly off the buildings' faces.

One of these days, I'll have my nice camera with me, and I'll take a shot that will truly do the scene justice. But today I couldn't resist snapping a photo with my phone. Even through the lens of a beat-up iPhone 5, you can still see some of the beauty. Only blocks away from where I grew up, I always feel nostalgic as I slow down and pass these beautiful houses every day.

Day 61 - Yoga

I went to yoga for the first time in a while today. I always go into class with a buzzing mind and an aching body, but leave feeling both relaxed and energized. I'm not sure if it's the calming breathing exercises, the soothing music, or the difficulty of the poses that forces my mind to focus in on the moment, but I always finish class feeling refreshed.

Day 60 - Dig it up in 6 Years...

Today I listened to Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. I hadn't listened to them in years, and it felt incredibly nostalgic. I first heard of them when I saw them live at Treasure Island in 2009. It was the year that I graduated college, and the same year that I met Bill.

It was almost like my emotions had been held in a time capsule. I re-felt all of the excitement, awe, and energy that I felt that year when I listened to that album over and over again.

Day 59 - My Whole Life Smells Like Korean Food

I spilled Korean food in my backpack last night. Everything I use daily is sticky and pink and smells inconveniently delicious.

I also forgot my shoes this morning, and had to wear my workout shoes all day at the office. This actually started out as embarrassing, but my knees and back didn't hurt at the end of the day.

My skin is so dry. I'm pretty sure I looked at the contents of the lost Ark and am slowly shriveling up.

Day 58 - Unlikely SF

On this absolutely gorgeous day, Bill and I took a walk to the beach. Just as we arrived, I saw a dolphin jump out of the water. A seal bobbed up and down playfully nearby. I walked to the water's edge and dipped my feet in. To my surprise, it felt simply refreshing, but not cold. I walked further and further out until a wave caught me by surprise and wet my shorts and part of my shirt. Again, it simply felt refreshing. Beach days like this don't happen in San Francisco. I'm still not convinced that I didn't dream it.

Day 57 - What are the Chances?

I spent most of today with my good friend and college roommate (4eva), Tanya.

It's funny how so much in life is left up to chance. It all seems so random, and often unfair. And then every once and a while, something goes right - like being paired with someone great as your freshman year roommate.

I wasn't even supposed to go to UCSD. I'd enrolled at UC Davis, and had even started the roommate/dorm selection there. When I got the phone call letting my know that I'd gotten in to UCSD on appeal, I dropped everything and moved to Southern California on a whim.

I made more than a couple lifelong friends during those four years, I developed a deeper love for the ocean, and even started talking a little like a southern California girl (I can't stop saying "the" 5...sorry).

Sometimes I think about alternate universe Lorraine. I'm sure she's happy too. She probably snowboarded a good amount, but probably not as much as she thought she would, while at Davis. She probably road her bike more, and came home a lot on the weekends. Although I can't imagine she could be as happy as UCSD Lorraine is now.

Day 56 - Supernova

I found out today that the Sun doesn't have enough mass to become a supernova. Instead, Google explained, "it will swell to become a red giant, enveloping Mercury, Venus, and possibly Earth. After that, it will shed its outer layers as a planetary nebula, and settle down to become a white dwarf."

If the suns of the universe were people, our sun would be a regular Joe. Working his 9-5 (longer hours in the Summer), eventually retiring, and settling down.

This "retirement" is scheduled to happen in about 5 billion years. I wonder frequently what earth will be like at that time. Will mankind still exist? Will we have found other habitable planets in other solar systems? Will we be living in ecologically-sustainable space pods?

I imagine that the larger suns, who get to become supernovas, are like the celebrities of the universe, or the "stars," if I may. Their deaths are broadcast across the universe - visible for other, smaller suns to witness in awe.

Our sun though, he's just planning on quietly fading out. He didn't shine that bright in life, nor will he in death.

Yet, every day he warms our lives, makes us smile and gives us a reason to keep going outside and living. Not bad for a regular Joe.

Day 55 - On a Lighter Note. Jk.

This is never a good idea/thought: "Hey! I'm tired. I should scroll through Facebook on my phone before I go to sleep."

I had this idea tonight, and immediately regretted it.

On a friend of a friend's Facebook page, I saw an article titled, Walmart Caught Sponsoring Shocking Events That Will Anger Countless Customers." Don't Google it, it will infuriate you. Something about the title made me think that it wasn't going to be about the typical offenses such as labor abuse, and my inkling was correct. It was an article blasting Walmart for sponsoring a "hedonistic public display" at a recent gay pride parade.

I immediately felt nauseated, and knew that I should stop reading, but a morbid curiosity took hold of me and I finished the article. Worst of all were the trail of comments below, condemning Walmart and vowing to never shop there again. This upset me on so many levels. Worker exploitation won't stop people from getting their roll-back prices, but a rainbow float will?!

Because most of my Facebook friends are from the Bay Area/young/socially liberal, I rarely am exposed to this type of discourse. I've gotten so comfortable in my bubble, that I almost forget how much hate against people who are "different" (relative) still exists in this country.

As I lay in bed, still feeling sick after reading the article, I started to wonder why I care so much. I've never felt so strongly or so passionately about something that doesn't directly affect me. But then I realized that just because I'm not gay, doesn't mean that this existing social injustice doesn't directly affect me. It directly affects my family and my friends, therefore it affects me. It also affects me as a human being who witnesses first hand the struggles of other human beings, just trying to live a happy, loving life. Any basic human right not afforded to a subset of the population affects the entire population negatively.

As someone who was bullied as a child, I know how hurtful words can be. While I may not have experienced it on anywhere near the same level, I know a little about how hard it is to be different. I know what it's like to try to change who you are just so you can blend in. Although if I could go back in time and talk to awkward, nerdy, 13 year old Lorraine, I would have told her that it would be OK. That those bizarre quirks that make you an outcast now, will actually come across as endearing one day.

To see others bullied and shunned for being who they are, when who they are is absolutely fabulous, is the most gut-wrenching thing to witness. It takes a complete lack of empathy to sit on a high horse and tell others that they can't live their lives like everyone else does. It hurts me to the core to see people so actively and hatefully doing this.

I'm mostly writing this because I need to vent. Because after I read that article I felt physically ill. Before I started writing, I lay in bed reciting in my head, "There will always be hate. There will always be hate..." Reminding myself that hate is something that will always exist in the world. However, I also reminded myself that there is hope. In this one respect - gay rights - the world will continue to move in the right direction. As backwards as America can be sometimes, the world still shines a spotlight on us. It pays attention to our politics and our gossip, whether it's to mock us, scoff at us or to applaud us. One way or another, the world watches and the world cares. Now that we've finally taken a solid step in the right direction, others in the world will hopefully follow suit (I am of course aware that many countries have already beaten us to it). There's hope in that - hope that there can and will be progress towards what is inevitably right. And while there will always be hate, there can always be less of it.

Day 54 - Nerd Night

I went with a few of my friends to Nerd Night at Rickshaw Stop tonight. After having only one drink, listening intently to a few lectures, and then leaving by 10, exhausted and ecstatic about the idea of bed, I felt older than I maybe ever have.* Not to mention that we didn't get there in time for seats, and spent every intermission sitting on the ground and complaining about our knees.

*I'm not implying that this is a bad thing at all.

Day 53 - More Than Halfway Done

Since the 50th post was taken by something else, I want to use post #53 to acknowledge that I've made it halfway through this challenge.

While not everything I've written so far is something I would boast about, there are some posts or pictures that I'm proud of. Although I'm mostly thankful for what this process has taught me. The two main lessons being:

• Looking at the world as full of artistic opportunities (photo ops, writing subjects) has given me an overall more optimistic outlook on life. It takes time and energy to search for the good in the world - time and energy that might else wise have been spent on negative thoughts. 
• Having a routine, where I'm forced to come up with something everyday has opened my mind to how much time I actually have in a day. I've wasted much less time watching TV and reconstructing my Clash of Clans village, and spent more time writing and playing with my camera. Hopefully once this challenge is over, I'll have the tools I need to be more productive.

Day 52 - Sleep / Wedding Part 5 (final entry)

I haven't slept this much since I was, I don't know, a child. I slept almost all of Sunday, and then stayed home from work today. I spent some of the day working from home and some of the day sleeping. Then I finally went to sleep for the night at about 7pm. I slept all through the night until about 7am the next morning.

I always thought that sickness was some kind of punishment. Well, maybe punishment isn't the right word; it's more of a reminder. I almost always get sick after having several nights of little sleep. I forget sometimes to take a step back and take care of myself. The sickness is a way of reminding myself that sometimes I need to stop.

Day 51 - Sick / Wedding Part 4

It's been so long since I've been sick - really sick - that I almost forgot what it felt like. I could barely sleep on Saturday night. My throat was super itchy, and my nose stuffy. I thought I'd been having bad allergies all day, but I started to realize that it might be more than that.

I woke up at about 9am feeling terrible, ate some soup, took some NyQuil and went back to sleep. I woke up again at 4pm, ate some more soup, and went back to sleep.

I didn't wake up again until the next morning.

Day 50 - Wedding Day / Wedding Part 3

I woke up a couple times during the night before the wedding - once when Bill finally went to bed at 4am after baking all night, and again at about 6:30am when he went to go pick up a few cheesecakes that my friend (who was working the event with Bill) had made for the wedding.

Then at 7, I got a text that woke me up for good. Apparently only 2 of the 4 cheesecakes came out. Bill headed back, exhausted. He had hoped to sleep a bit before the wedding, but instead we now had to come up with two cakes in the next few hours.

Bill went to the store on the way home and picked up ingredients for peach upside down cake. I started slicing peaches, while he made the cake batter. In less than an hour we had two cakes in the oven. We both collapsed and slept for about an hour before we had to get ready for the wedding. Thankfully the cakes came out beautifully.

I showered and got dressed and felt immediately better. We decided to drive since we would have to come back and pick up all the baked goods between the ceremony and reception anyway.

All the exhaustion and panic seemed to disappear when I stood with Jessi behind the church doors, waiting for her to walk down that aisle. She looked so beautiful, and nervous but happy. As she stood across from Kenji at the alter, neither of them could stop smiling.

By the reception, all the stress had disappeared. The groom and bride both seemed in their element - working the room filled with friends and family. I felt honored to be able to spend as much time with Jessi as I did. When Bill's desserts came out, everyone flooded to them. As the night came to a close, I felt happy, relieved, and above all completely content. Although I also felt a slight itching in my throat, which I continued to ignore, and tried to drown out with a shot or two of whiskey.