Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 21

Good morning humans! I'm using my entry today to answer another fan question. Shark Muffin from Seattle had a very good question about how I manage to look so good all the time.

Dear Bubbles,
What's the key to maintaining a svelte bod while lounging at home all day? Also, how do you keep your hair so shiny?
- Shark Muffin in Seattle

Dear Shark Muffin,
Yes, I have an excellent body and very shiny fur. Some cats might say that you're either born with it or your not, but I don't think this is completely true. Even if you aren't blessed with my handsome genes, there are still things you can do to improve your situation. I've narrowed it down to a few simple steps:

1. Chase the ghosts in your house. this is a necessary task that doubles as a great workout. Ghosts are quick-moving and pop in and out randomly, so this requires sporadic bursts of energy, usually in the middle of the night. The humans appreciate this diligence, and will reward you with stinky fish.
2. This brings me to my second point: eat lots of stinky fish. Once you've completed your four sets of 30 second ghosts sprints, you'll be hungry! Stinky fish is a high protein diet that will keep you lean and spry. Be sure to wake the humans up immediately after your ghost sprint so that they can feed you. If they don't respond right away, do some "on bed, off bed" reps until they obey. This exercise also tones those hind legs, for jumping optimization. 
3. Lastly, groom yourself immediately after you've eaten. this gets those stinky fish oils deep in your fur coat, which gives you the tantalizing fish smell, and a glistening oily complexion. Nothing humans love more than petting an oily fishy-smelling cat!

I hope this helped! Remember to repeat all of these steps until desired results are obtained.

XOXO,

Bubbles