Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Diary of a Quarantined Cat: Day 32

Today's letter is from another fellow Feline, Roger.

Dear Bubbles,
You like stinky fish, and you do not get tired of it. I like stinky fish too, but not all the time. If I get it one time, I get it at least two more times. Then it’s not appetizing at all. I wish I had something different at every meal. I notice that the humans have something different at every meal. (What they eat is disgusting, though. It’s mostly plants and other weird stuff, but no meat!) Anyway, how can I get them to give me something different at each meal? Another thing, why won’t they use my real name? My real name is Roger, but they call me Hodge. Maybe the real issue is that I do not get enough respect.
- Roger in San Francisco


Dear Roger,

Thank you for bringing up this very valid and very real issue. While I like stinky fish more than just about anything, I would love a little more variety myself. The humans always say "there's plenty of fish in the sea," but they seem to forget that when they're at the stinky fish store! There's more fish than just tuna, humans! I'd like a bit of salmon now and again. Or maybe even some Mahi Mahi.

Yes Roger, I think it comes down to respect. Have you pushed a cup off the table recently? If not, I advise that you do so as soon as possible. I also advise throwing up on a few soft surfaces. This usually asserts dominance and reminds them who's in charge. It'll also indicate that you're sick of the current food, and ready for a change.

In terms of your name, I unfortunately don't know what to tell you. Bubbles is actually my middle name. My full name is Pikachu Bubbles Holdenstern. I never expressed that I'd prefer to be called by my middle name, yet when I confront them, they laugh at me. Sometimes I think the humans don't even try to understand us...

I hope this helps. Please keep me updated, as I'm currently going through the same assertive techniques with my humans. I'm curious to see if the training works on different humans.

XOXO,
Bubbles

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